Sacred sexuality, or as I prefer to call it, sacred intimacy, has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with how we see the world and our relationship with it, how we act, take decisions & make choices, the very core of our “being-process” (not just our “thinking-process”).

It’s a mindset, if not a complete state of mind, a way to see life, based on non-duality and inclusiveness.

Sacredness is essentially considered like “set apart” or “above” the ordinary (whatever that means), something holy; so much so that it feels almost like it’s something separate from ourselves, which creates a sense of division between what should be sacred and what should not… Where is inclusiveness in that?

Sacredness is part of us, and to be very basic, it’s what we call life, life force, Prana, Qi, etc, this spark of energy that animates all of us. Without entering the slippery slope of religious & spiritual believes, nor trying to offend anyone regardless of their own perceptions and choices, but the only thing we know for sure about life is that: a form of energy is animating us, giving us life through a physical body, with needs to be fulfilled, which implies being part (therefore dependent) of a system. That is what every human being, every living breathing creature on earth shares in common. Everything else is just speculation.

Sacred intimacy, or sacred sexuality, or tantra, is based on non-duality, which basically means there is no place for “Me, I and myself”, nor “you vs me”, and so on… It’s about inclusiveness, acceptance, and selflessness.

Why is Tantra or even sexuality so confused with sex?

Nowadays, sex has been “objectified”, enslaved to the same codifications that underlie the modern mindset: transaction. Following the rule of “I give you if you give me”, sexuality has become too often fused and confused to mean love, or its physical embodiment. Sex = love and love = sex…

So, what is sex?

Basically, it’s intercourse. From there, we can interpret, romanticize, fantasize all we want, what is common to all perceptions is what sex brings: a positive physical feeling, a sense of closeness, a connection, sometime even a feeling of power and control, a fulfillment, a desire to do “good” (which is similar to performing), a validation, an emotional state (which can be positive or negative).

What we often don’t realize, or refuse to acknowledge, is that all this pleasure creates interdependence, attachments, & responsibilities.

We are all dependent of a lot of things; think about food for example: could you live without someone producing it for you? We can deny all we want, we are (inter)dependent by nature. So, creating inter-dependency is as natural as breathing. Just be aware of what it brings with…

Now, what is sacred intimacy?

Intimacy and sexuality become sacred when you are in charge (of your mind & hidden intentions), when you accept the nature of desires (unsatisfiable), and bring this awareness into your relationship: no need to perform or prove something (to yourself or your partner), there is no “purpose” to be achieved nor “goal” to be reached, only a blissful union between 2 energies to be shared, nurtured and nourished.

The physical union becomes the embodiment of the merging of 2 energies that nourish each others.

This can only be felt and experienced when you become whole with yourself, on all level, when you are in control of your mind, when you are aware of your own energy, when you accept all parts of yourself, but more importantly, when you finally allow yourself to be seen for who you are, with a mindset of giving and sharing, selflessly.

Your level of intimacy with someone is the degree of vulnerability you share with that person. The more vulnerable you let yourself seen, the more intimate you become (with yourself and others).

So, being a very different “belief system”, if you really want to explore, understand, even practice tantra, and experience sacred intimacy, you need to accept different points of view, change your perspective on a lots of thing, adapt your thinking process, and get rid of what will become obsolete along the way.

In one word, it’s becoming who you are, as a whole, and sharing it unconditionally.

If this approach speaks to you, make sense, and you want to know more about the work we can do together, have a look here: https://casapantha.com/holistic-tantra-studies/